We had been on the road for 9 days. From vacationing in Jamaica to games in Connecticut. As we finally head home I play Beyoncé’s live album, “Freakum Dress” comes on and I playfully seduce my husband as he drives, he glances over and can’t help being drawn into my playful sexy energy. This is me, this wildly playful Island girl who desires to love deeply, be enjoyed, be immensely, intentionally and confidently sexy. I consider how far I have come along my journey as I wine in my hips in the passenger seat, loving his momentary glances and sweet sly grin.
This growing confidence about me is more than slipping into a dress. If I don’t like the woman I am in that dress, then what? Over time my body has changed for better and worse. My husband loves me in and out and that love is deeper than what I wear at any given time. This is about self. It’s about how passionately, freely and deeply I love and appreciate myself. I love myself enough to enjoy this one body and this one life despite what the scale says, how the doctor defines my size and what society accepts as beautiful.
In her poem The Summer Day, Mary Oliver asks “tell me what is it you plan to do with this one wild and passionate life?” I plan to live it fully, live it wildly. Drinking the joy of every moment until I am drunk, push every limit, make everyone uncomfortable as I explore what it means to be me, to be beautiful, to be sexy, feminine and strong. This is where I find my best self. This is where I live my best life. I’ll put all of me into that freakum dress and slay!